I keep trying to make lists to pump myself up for my creative projects. Sometimes, I spend too much time setting goals, and not enough time finding ways to execute them.
I'm like a kid with a poorly written IEP; except I'm solo-navigating this differability ship.
On rough days, the weather is tricky.
Fortunately, on good days, the creative wind feels beautiful.
So whenever depression washes over me—offering me its déjà vu glances into the deep, deep dark,—I look to my engagement ring as a reminder that there are, and always will be, good moments, excellent weather. Just as there are, and always will be, challenging moments, rainy weather. There will be rainbows, fog. Awful, sticky humidity. Ocean salt.
I think about how our garden blooms after February rain, how the moon and sun take turns, how children and young adults take turns, the middle-aged and elderly trying to get along with one another, the centurions who've seen almost too much.
Too often, I fall into the void of social media, not because I'm hoping to impress anyone online—we know social media is a harmful space for self-evaluation, and since I have depression and anxiety, I decidedly don't want to tempt further darkness into my psyche by measuring myself against these platforms—but I do feel the anxiety of playing whack-a-mole with branding my writing, social values, and creative practices across so many mediums (including a site I haven't even gotten to yet called Medium!):
Like most creatives, I am torn between poles...
But my Ring of Protection +1 boosts my armor class and saving throws vs. everything:
A sense of urgency from the need to make enough money to support me, Chase, and our future kids;
A sense of calm from the love and reassurance of my family;
A sense of urgency from the socio-emotional pressures of my family;
A sense of calm from connecting with the inner learner inside a student;
A sense of urgency from anxiety attacks in the classroom;
A sense of calm from meditation;
A sense of urgency from America's social climate;
A sense of calm from the purifying solace after deep writing;
A sense of urgency from the student loans I wracked up studying creativity;
A sense of calm from the confidence I've built in creativity;
A sense of urgency from fight-flight responses (some still missing ID'd triggers);
A sense of calm from the brunches with Dad, Jenette, and/or Chase;
A sense of urgency from the meals I forget to eat;
A sense of calm from tending our wilderness of a garden;
A sense of urgency from nagging perfectionism;
A sense of calm from flowers;
A sense of urgency from human faces.
Which do I update first, second?
Which projects do I have to do every day?—ex., students rely on their teacher;
What should I do every day?—ex., I made a commitment to myself & my audience, and while forgiveness is always afforded during the early prototyping of a creative project, consistency is key to responsible habit formation; bonus! every job well done is another opportunity to celebrate small successes, which fuels the next job;
What could I do, if I have spare creative energy that night? and are those goals in conflict with self-care?—ex., the glow of a monitor can affect sleep, so I need to unplug two hours before bed;
Which ideas don't mind the wait? and am I prepared to accept their departure, if I make the idea wait too long?
How I often do I update each creative project?
Morning & night? or just daily?: 10- to 20-min activities;
Weekly, biweekly?: 1- to 3-hour commitments of creative energy;
Monthly, bimonthly?: deep thinking, 4- to 12-hour projects;
How can I break apart each ginormous project into chunked, relaxed goals?
Who reads each platform?
Why do they read what do you have to say?
What do they want from me right now?
What's something I could someday offer them to help pay for baby diapers? (I've heard diapers add up, and I believe it, based on my financial relationship with cat food; really, if I could create an income for diapers and cat food, I'd dance around the house to We Are the Champions;)
Where do I find balance in all of this?
Which activities drain my energy?
Which activities fuel me short-term? long-term?
Are any of the activities fueling short-term, but harmful long-term (ex., drains too many resources for long-term benefit)?—and if so, do you have just one or two of these high-risk, low-gain activities, or is this how you're operating every day?
What does your heart say?
What am I doing to better each of these projects?
What do I want the project to look like by the end of summer?—year end?—2021?
Where could I travel to enhance this project?
What could I learn to enhance this project?
What do I need (versus what's just shiny bells-and-whistles) to enhance this project?
Why should my audience care?
Why do I care?
How do I extend how I care to someone else?
How do I invite what someone else cares about warmly into my narrative?
What's the larger conversation behind my narrative?
What do other people say about that narrative?
3-Step Upgrade
Acquire the feat "Craft Wondrous Item".
Complete creative project with 108 answers to important questions (above).
Bathe ring in ocean water.